For the one you Love

When you realize his feelings are more important to you than your own; is the moment you know you are really in love.

When his well being becomes more important than your own; it is the moment you know, you are truly deeply in love.

When you feel his pain deep in your heart and you rather hurt and be the one to make the sacrifice so he can be happy; it is the moment you understand it is true love.

When you are willing to walk away from him so he can be happy with someone else; it is the moment that you know he is truly the one you love

The Faun and The Fairy

On top of a hill a satyr stands,

watching over his beautiful land.

An innocent fairy flying by,

It must have been her scent that caught his eyes,

or her enchanting beauty, mesmerizing and bright.

A voice from below, a melody to her ears,

makes her heart beat faster, makes her body shiver.
Her wings feeling heavy, hypnotized by the faun,

she flies down to meet him but suddenly she stops,

she looks away from the mountain watching the blue skies ahead,

the fairy had a feeling, in that moment in time

should she go? or stay?

She knew that fate was waiting at the mountain hill below,

she knew it in the moment when she heard him say "hello"

The satyr being a satyr wanted to deny himself this joy,

At first he tried to run, giving excuses and all,

"i am taken" he tells her,

she felt all hope was lost,

something in her heart was saying:

Don't give up, this is true love!

Many times the scared fairy wants to spread her wings,
for fear her treasure heart will be shattered by a Dream.

**written 5/12/2010

Expiration Date

Many nights awake,

dreams turn to nightmares

the day that you are gone

the pain will be too much to bare

Day by day, moment by moment

is the way I live this love,

I have no choice, I feel I don't have a voice

If I say the wrong thing, poof you might be gone

I bite my tongue 

and hide my fears

remembering my place

knowing that you are not near

Mixed feelings and emotions

an expiration day to my devotion,

not long ago he only owned my heart and mind

now my body has become his temple

I obey and do as I am told without no questions

Each day I pray for strength

and keep my heart safe

I rest my happiness

in Hope, Destiny, and Fate

at His feet

**written 3/15/2010

My Old Blog

I had a blog and it had to be canceled, some of the information in it was a bit damaging to someone I love or at least to his marriage, devious people got a hold of it and tried using it to cause anguish and pain...I had poems, pictures, little confessions, the way I felt about certain things but it had to be erased to protect other people other than myself.
I was regretting having written certain things and even the pictures I added that were used to blackmail me and him, thinking back and sorting out my feelings - I should not have any regrets nor feel guilty, shit happens and sometimes when it hits the fan we must own up to our mistakes, yet it is easier to erase and deny things than to confront them.

here is looking at ya kid

My loss & My Discovery

Past week and a half my life has taken a huge turn; I lost my baby, but in the process I realized I lost more than what I thought.

A day after my loss I became extremely sick and at first they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Four days with a fever that would not go down, shivering, a headache that would not go away and the puzzle of what the heck was going on with me. After many tests and feeling like a pin cushion I was diagnosed with pneumonia and I can't believe it cause I didn't cough or felt that I couldn't breath, in other words I didn't have symptoms that would lead to that, the doctor was saying the miscarriage made me sick, that the depression I was going through was making me extremely ill...

It was very hard laying on that hospital bed through the night and unable to sleep, thinking, pondering of recent and past events, analyzing where I am, where I want to be and where I am going...and I came to a conclusion, I first need to find myself...through lots of ordeals and after so many things that transpired made me realize many things and put many others in perspective, more questions than answers but at least I have a goal, I can see things I didn't see before, naked to the eye but blind to the heart, now I know.



Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Going Out and Meeting People

What a long month it was; at least for me...some days went fast but others just drag :(

I realized this weekend that I don't have a social life and spend most of time living in a fantasy world, wishing, hoping and dreaming...seriously!!

I enjoy going out and doing things but at the same time I love the comfort of my home. 

I am always doing home improvement, decorating, rearranging furniture, changing rooms around making it comfortable and different each time I get a chance - mostly on weekends *grins*

Even though I don't go out often enough or as much as I would like to there will be days that I just want to pick up and go.  I google a few different places depending on my mood, pack up food, drinks, plenty of music, fill up the gas tank, call my friend and take off.  Sometimes we come back the same day but if we want to stay the night we do so, the great thing of it all is when we go out we never have a time to leave or come back :) that is the way I like doing things unless there are other plans or responsibilities we need to handle.

My BF is always more than willing to go out and do something, unlike me I need to be in the mood to do things...my social life is limited to a few people and even though I am not shy it is rather hard for me to get comfortable and make new friends/acquaintances but I am trying to change that.

I joined a site called meetup.com, you can join different groups according to your interest, some of them have a fee while most of them are free.  I already have plans for September 24th for an outdoor Jazz Festival!! yeeaaee, looking forward to it *grins wide*

I have so much to do and so much to accomplish, plans, dreams and wishes...little by little everything will fall into place, I want to be able to show my Master a great time when he ever decides to come visit and introduce him to great and like minded people with the same interests that we have.

Pregnancy

I really never had what they call a healthy pregnancy, I have a low cervix, low progesterone levels, high blood pressure and clumsy as all hell.

October of last year I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, it was very hard going through it and wondering what I did wrong even joined a support group to get through my thick head that it was all medical and nothing that I did.  I started on progesterone suppositories, eating better and taking care of myself in case it happened again, little needs to be said that April 9th the first day of my ovulation I got pregnant again.

I didn't want to put my hopes up and kept it quiet taking it day by day.  It has been the longest 18 weeks of my life to be honest.  When I missed my period at the end of April I didn't pay any mind, I was only intimate for 2 days that entire month so it was crazy to even think that I was...as the days went by noticed that nothing was happening I went and bought and EPT (early pregnancy test) went to the bathroom at work and there it was - Positive.  I wanted to tell him so bad but didn't want this news changing things between us,besides there were so many things happening that I thought it was not the right time.  Weeks went by and finally he was aware of it unfortunately I was not the one that told him and they way he found out was very unpleasant :( but at least he knows and that is all that matters now.

In just two days I will be 18 weeks and very proud to say my little girl is holding on tight and she is doing awesome regardless of the car accident I had, my high blood pressure, and a recent fall; not to mention all the crap I've had to deal with aside from all that so it has been very stressful :(

Every time I have some sort of pain I can't help but feel scared, my heart sinks all the way to my ass and I feel as if the world is collapsing on top of me.

My Master and I live far away from each other and having a little piece of our love growing inside me makes the entire ordeal so worth it, she is precious and very loved and I am trying my best to have a healthy pregnancy.  Looking forward to the future and meeting her in about 22 weeks *yeeeaaeee*

Gladiolus

Gladiolus - Strength of character, Love at first sight, Generosity

Always loved this flowers, they are native to South Africa, Asia and Europe :)