How Much Longer?

I have not logged in as often, let me be honest by saying and admitting that when things ended with Fox it also killed the love I had for Second Life

Still hurts login in, knowing that he may be in SL, logged in with alt because he is avoiding me hurts even more.  I try not to think about him but I do associate SL with the relationship we had.

I can't believe after all this time he still lives in me, he wanders in my thoughts and I love him today the same way I loved him a year ago, the respect level is very different, and I don't think of him as highly as I used to either...guess that is what happens when we are deceived.

I try getting out, I try going to places but there is no use, nothing is the same, nothing feels the same yet I will not give up SL with the hopes that maybe sooner than later I will get over him.

How much longer do I have to wait?

it is unreal to me that I can't yank him out of me.  I don't look for him, I stay away from him, and the few times I have written I regret it after because the way I feel when I see a letter from him is disgusting!  (smh)

From RL

me

Great Feeling

Sometimes when in love we give the person attention, we nurture them, we find every given possible way to make them feel loved, cared for, and of course constantly work with them to improve the relationship.

Since it is great to feel loved, respected, appreciated, and to know we have our better half backing us up 100% in everything we set out to do, and decisions we make, good or bad, knowing that someone will always be there to support us through thick and thin, not judge us for who we really are, accept and love our faults/imperfections as much as they appreciate our perfections and success...
It is what I wanted to give and gave in my last "relationship" affair.

Unfortunately there are people who believe because a person gives 100% of themselves to another and the relationship that they have become the center of their universe and probably do not have a life aside from them.

People are only as important in our lives as we make them out to be, the importance that we give that individual.  A person only matters if you make them matter...A person only have power over you if you allow them to.

Of course it is painful when any relationship ends, specially when there are feelings involved, but one thing probably this person forgot about me is the strength I have, the self love!
I love myself!
I respect myself!
and I appreciate the woman that I am!
It is the reason why I am able to love so deeply, because love is in me!

in the famous words of Frank Crane
"You will be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough"
needless to say, I trusted too much.
but i also believe
"is better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all"

I was hurting...
But for two days now a light went on!

The aches, the pain, the empty feeling have been replaced and almost non-existent.

What a great feeling!

mmmmm the things that are to come :)

...so sweet,

Thinking of the future,

Of amazing things to come,

I just want to thank Karma, and all the sweet delights that surrounds her!

Amazing, isn't it?

From SL to RL with much, much love
Punky and all the rest(s) of me!

To my Dear SL

I am sorry I have been putting you off, it is not my intention but at the moment RL is a bit of a priority to me.

I am happy to inform that the pain is less, although I still feel that certain sensation in my tummy when i log in it is getting better every day.

SL & RL will continue...at the moment I must prioritize...

:)

Still in love with my SL

Sent from my Windows Phone

My Collar

I can't wear my DCS meter because it needs to be attached to the chest....

Guess what?

My collar is attached to the chest, and I completely refuse to remove it at the moment, not until I am ready to do so...

Last night I played around a bit to see if I could change the attachment spot and it did not work, so I guess I am going to be without a meter, so I guess I will have to use one of my alts to fight in Thule.

I really don't care about the collar of the rest of the AV's ...Cielo, Kryy..etc, I am going to take their collar off, but when it comes to Punky and Aliexx...their collar was/is like my wedding band, I don't have the heart to remove it yet...even if he logs in and releases his name of my collar, I am not ready to go there.

Maybe in time I will...

but for now...

I can't

From SL to RL
Punky still in love.

A night at Lacourte

Feels great to have good friends who care and watch over you.

Miss Natasha and I spent sometime together last night...

She made me feel brand new, helping me look into a better future.

One thing I am grateful about is the fact that they know what kind of person I am.  Kind heart, understanding, loving, caring, a strong spirit (those words are from Asgrin), and they appreciate the person I am.

After much talking, and trust me, she was up til the wee hours of the night, sharing some RL pics *Grins ever so freacking wide*

and off to bed after that!

thank you for your understanding, your shoulder and your ears!!

From SL to RL with much love
Punky "Asvid Aravir"

Garden of Dreams

I am a total sucker for gardens, and this place is amazing...

prior to teleporting there i was looking for a club to go to and dance...i noticed this 50's place, at the moment didn't sound familiar, but since I love my oldies, i tp there...when i went around the corner and noticed it was a place where he and I went...i couldn't even find the tp button!
began to shake and my stomach turned, mouth was sour, and I rushed  home

After a few minutes of venting with myself I looked for gardens, soft music and a place to relax and just deal with my thoughts, my feelings, and emotions.

Even with a new life, he is still in me, with me...every where I go.

from SL
Zroos

No Master in sight

I miss him more and more every day...

I haven't seen him in SL since....well, since I can't remember when.

He has logged in but unfortunately I haven't been around to see him or spend time with him.

Sucks! doesn't it?

Still holding on strong though...I love that man, RL and SL.

Don't even know when we will see each other again RL and/or SL, but no matter what, where, and when, all I know is...that I love him and I am waiting for him.

From RL with love
Punky

Terabithia Closing!!

Another love of mine.

I haven't been there in a few months, but dang! that's where I met my hubby, my love, and now is also closing *shivers*

I love Terabithia, I remember arriving there the first day, my shy self AV, i had a green, white, and black dress, medieval style since that is what we can wear there anyways...I still hadn't picked what i wanted to be, just lingering around and finally made my decision.....a fae!!
why? because I are hot, I can wear less clothes, and I can fly (dragons too, but they weren't as cute)

After a few days in Tera I met him!
I can't say it enough, he had his eyes on me!! hehe

I can't believe Tera will be gone soon, one of the issues is that there is too much money to maintain the SIM not enough people in RP!.

I am not much into RP, I do it when I have to and when the time calls for it, but I like to log in more for the fashion, the poses, the exploring, which I have been doing more of it in RL than SL lately!

OMG!
it is where i met my Master and is closing, I can't get pass that...*pouts*

will miss you Tera!!

with my honey at home :)

all day been thinking of our first day together in Tera, how we met, in Tera, how we spent our first few days in Tera...


Terabithia will always be in my heart! and I am thankful for the place since it is where i lost my heart and found it..


From SL to RL with love
Punky

...day is over & is our anniversary!!

Today marks 3 years since my Master and I met in SL...

I am really excited and there is nothing else in the world at this moment that I wish more than to be with him.

It is unreal that it has been 3 years, how time flies yet the love I feel for him remains as beautiful as the day we met yet more powerful each passing day!

I love you so much, and know that your girl thinks and writes about you even in SL!

always and forever yours
Your girl :)

Winter is coming, getting ready for SL

Logged in a few days ago and seen my sweet Punky and it just made me so happy!  I found her in the same faerie outfit I left her in for our second year anniversary more than a month ago when I took some pictures for the blog.  I paid the tier rent and checked on Bubba (our dog) and now that I am writing I completely forgot to check on spot (our cat), I felt so bad, they've been alone for a very long time :( but that will change soon.

I spoke to a few of my faithful friends and they were so happy I was there, I couldn't stay as long as I wanted to and really wanted to return that afternoon after work but my schedule suddenly changed, plans came up and RL is always first.  We are still having a few nice days out, weather is cooperating (until today...bummer) and I really want to take advantage of it, as we all know winter can sometimes be long and it is just around the corner, I will have more than enough time to be in SL.

I had some offers to RP at a few realms, but I am thinking of going a totally different road this time around, I just don't want to be there taking prim space, I need to put all of my megapixels to good use; keeping my options open.  There is a guy who is always asking me to pursue modeling and each time I log in he hits me up and made a point to tell me that he will continue harassing me until I say yes *giggles* persistent...isn't he?  I am not going to dismiss any possibilities, I am completely open to any suggestions as long as it sounds good and can be flexible.  Flexibility is very important!!!

Lets see what happens this time around, last time I made my comeback things didn't work the way I expected, I couldn't concentrate, I was not in a good place and there was so much going on in my RL as well.  Another thing is that SL has changed so very much and finding new things to do is becoming a challenge.  RP is the same thing all over the place, matter of fact I had a conversation with a friend and it seems that tons of people are feeling the same way, I thought it was just me.
If you are not a creator or have a business to run just gets a bit monotonous after a while, but there is one thing that makes us want to log in and can't even get enough of SL...the famous L word (LOVE) - one of the main reason why people go back day after day, hooked to the max;  ...relationships in SL, darn, a very sensitive subject, lets not go there for now.

For whatever reason I always find my way back to SL, I only wish I could be consistent...then again...I have no idea what this winter will bring and so looking forward to it, lets see what happens!!  :)

From SL to RL with Love
Punky

see you in-world

Disaster Date

Why do I bother even trying to go out with anyone else at the moment is beyond me!  Even though it was a double date and I was not alone still made me feel like shit!

I don't know if anyone else will understand how I feel but I really felt as if I was cheating on my Master, OMG, what a horrible feeling!! Feeling guilty as if I was betraying him, and in all honesty I don't want to feel like that ever again.

I kept thinking about him through the entire night, moments of our times together kept popping into my head, I was so very distant.  We went to a Chinese restaurant and after to a club which I was glad about, the loud music helped for conversation not to take place.

I can't help the way I feel, how much I love him...I can't help it if my mind and body does not allow me to be with anyone else...Ladies and Gentleman this chiqui fell in love and she did so very hard!!

Making some decisions

Loving someone makes it really hard to make decisions sometimes, or in my case all the time.

For some time the relationship between my Master and I is very slow, we don't interact, we really don't talk and I feel as if I am getting the boot but he feels bad one way or the other letting me go.  I wonder if he knows that by having me just hanging on a string is doing a bit more harm than good.

I have no idea where we are going with our relationship, what is happening, if he is still my owner, if he even loves me.  It is just a bit confusing at the moment and I don't know where to go from here, I am at a halt.

Since nothing have been said I took it upon myself to begin dating, yup, I have a date tonight - nothing serious, I just feel I need to go out and have some fun as well.  Do I look at it as if I am cheating on my Master? at first I did but I figure that if I don't get intimate with the guy is not cheating.

It was extremely hard making such decision just because I am so in love with him that I can't think or be with anyone else other than him, but at the same time I am feeling abandoned, not cared for, and his interest is on the floor. 

I am confused, what can I say, he says he loves me but he doesn't show it...is just a bunch of mixed signals

Back on the Horse

Feeling like myself this days, pregnancy among other stressful situations can really affect a persons attitude and self-esteem...finally getting back on track on most things.

I want to thank those who are there for me to help me once again rise to the top, with their love, affection, and understanding.  Things are looking pretty good from where I am standing or sitting in this case, I sometimes let things get to me just a bit too much but once I get the hang of it everything just falls into place.

Sorting out my ideas and feelings to figure out where I am standing and where I'm going from here...Reality may suck at times and will smack you on the face with all her strength, but there is a reason for everything, at least that is my believe.  I don't give up easily, never have and never will.

The only thing I am afraid of is that I stop believing in love, in fate, and in destiny...

The Shoulder

Kissing a Fool

I have the urge to feel the hands of someone who loves me caress me, touch me, make me feel I am alive


"Strange that I was wrong enough
to think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool"

I am a dreamer...a hopeless romantic who believes deeply in love, in fate, in destiny...

At Home

I don't get easily bored but staying in 24/7 is really getting the best out of me...is not like I don't have places to go but once I am there I can't even concentrate!! What is wrong with me?

I can come up with a few ideas; my heart and head are somewhere else.  Where you might wonder? with my Master...where else? I know we both have much to do and accomplish before we can be together, is not like I can pick up and just go...much has to be done, at least I know from my behalf that is the case.

I finally broke down and asked him for help, boy oh boy was I afraid of his answer...when you have been independent for so long and never needed the assistance or help from anyone else is rather hard to just come out and ask I do have some pride you know ;P
All I can say is that times are hard and I got hit with a curve ball...I was always prepared for rainy days but for some reason this time around I was caught by surprise or better yet I was not as prepared as I thought I was.

One good thing is that I saw him briefly last night and we spoke *grins wide* that man does not know the impact he has on me, VaVaBoom!!! knowing I was going to see him had me over the edge, pacing back and forth, the butterflies in my tummy going wild, my knees giving up on me, once he was there by my side...what can I say? I am in love!! I get all giggly, I don't know how to act, react, my speech becomes all weird, I can't shut up, I keep talking and talking, sweaty palms...oh and I can't stop fidgeting and all of this by just seen him, can you imagine what happens to me when he touches me? I don't think so, but you can at least get an idea.

How much do I love him...Let me count the ways :)

For the one you Love

When you realize his feelings are more important to you than your own; is the moment you know you are really in love.

When his well being becomes more important than your own; it is the moment you know, you are truly deeply in love.

When you feel his pain deep in your heart and you rather hurt and be the one to make the sacrifice so he can be happy; it is the moment you understand it is true love.

When you are willing to walk away from him so he can be happy with someone else; it is the moment that you know he is truly the one you love

The Faun and The Fairy

On top of a hill a satyr stands,

watching over his beautiful land.

An innocent fairy flying by,

It must have been her scent that caught his eyes,

or her enchanting beauty, mesmerizing and bright.

A voice from below, a melody to her ears,

makes her heart beat faster, makes her body shiver.
Her wings feeling heavy, hypnotized by the faun,

she flies down to meet him but suddenly she stops,

she looks away from the mountain watching the blue skies ahead,

the fairy had a feeling, in that moment in time

should she go? or stay?

She knew that fate was waiting at the mountain hill below,

she knew it in the moment when she heard him say "hello"

The satyr being a satyr wanted to deny himself this joy,

At first he tried to run, giving excuses and all,

"i am taken" he tells her,

she felt all hope was lost,

something in her heart was saying:

Don't give up, this is true love!

Many times the scared fairy wants to spread her wings,
for fear her treasure heart will be shattered by a Dream.

**written 5/12/2010

Expiration Date

Many nights awake,

dreams turn to nightmares

the day that you are gone

the pain will be too much to bare

Day by day, moment by moment

is the way I live this love,

I have no choice, I feel I don't have a voice

If I say the wrong thing, poof you might be gone

I bite my tongue 

and hide my fears

remembering my place

knowing that you are not near

Mixed feelings and emotions

an expiration day to my devotion,

not long ago he only owned my heart and mind

now my body has become his temple

I obey and do as I am told without no questions

Each day I pray for strength

and keep my heart safe

I rest my happiness

in Hope, Destiny, and Fate

at His feet

**written 3/15/2010

My Old Blog

I had a blog and it had to be canceled, some of the information in it was a bit damaging to someone I love or at least to his marriage, devious people got a hold of it and tried using it to cause anguish and pain...I had poems, pictures, little confessions, the way I felt about certain things but it had to be erased to protect other people other than myself.
I was regretting having written certain things and even the pictures I added that were used to blackmail me and him, thinking back and sorting out my feelings - I should not have any regrets nor feel guilty, shit happens and sometimes when it hits the fan we must own up to our mistakes, yet it is easier to erase and deny things than to confront them.

here is looking at ya kid