Random Thoughts

I feel much safer now, my pics, my blog are protected and I feel there is no way someone distasteful will come along and try to use me once again to hurt others.

It is really a frustration not knowing why would someone use up their precious time to get to other people, it has been almost 2 weeks since I heard from those vindictive assholes...all I can say I am glad it is over.

For a long time their negativity was inflicting much damage to our relationship...more in the matter of making me feel guilty for loving him, for having this intense feelings which consumes me from the inside out...but lately having so much time in my hands and thinking clearly when people see a good thing going and they can't have it jealousy will strike!! I am not letting go, in two more weeks is going to be two years since I have been with my Master, yes, we are in a long distance relationship but there are ways of going around that...I have been able to manage.  Our relationship is young and still evolving, I don't want to rush a good thing and better days will come.

I have plans to travel and be able to spend time with him, trying to get myself together here and plan things the right way, although not everything goes according to plan most of the time and I learned that the hard way most often times when you set out to do something chances are if you plan ahead you will make it happen, I speak for myself at least...when I set out to do something best believe I am going to see it through one way or the other...it might take me time but when I have a goal in mind it is all I can see :)

Never take your eyes of your goal :) or your path

Crayola

The smell of an open Crayola box...ummmm how wonderful!

This box was bought only because of the retired crayola crayons! and of course the wonderful scent *takes a sniff*

Makes me wonder what other colors did they retired to the Crayola Crayon Hall of Fame?  must find out

At Home

I don't get easily bored but staying in 24/7 is really getting the best out of me...is not like I don't have places to go but once I am there I can't even concentrate!! What is wrong with me?

I can come up with a few ideas; my heart and head are somewhere else.  Where you might wonder? with my Master...where else? I know we both have much to do and accomplish before we can be together, is not like I can pick up and just go...much has to be done, at least I know from my behalf that is the case.

I finally broke down and asked him for help, boy oh boy was I afraid of his answer...when you have been independent for so long and never needed the assistance or help from anyone else is rather hard to just come out and ask I do have some pride you know ;P
All I can say is that times are hard and I got hit with a curve ball...I was always prepared for rainy days but for some reason this time around I was caught by surprise or better yet I was not as prepared as I thought I was.

One good thing is that I saw him briefly last night and we spoke *grins wide* that man does not know the impact he has on me, VaVaBoom!!! knowing I was going to see him had me over the edge, pacing back and forth, the butterflies in my tummy going wild, my knees giving up on me, once he was there by my side...what can I say? I am in love!! I get all giggly, I don't know how to act, react, my speech becomes all weird, I can't shut up, I keep talking and talking, sweaty palms...oh and I can't stop fidgeting and all of this by just seen him, can you imagine what happens to me when he touches me? I don't think so, but you can at least get an idea.

How much do I love him...Let me count the ways :)

A New Week

Everyday is a new beginning, a chance to get it right; nevermind what happened yesterday for it is already in the past...easier said than done, don't you think?

Been feeling completely out of my element and the only wish I have is to be my happy self...I need to organize myself and I know I am going to need the help of my Master...I am afraid to ask wondering what his answer will be :/ but I have to start somewhere.

I don't like to depend on others, the only person I can truly say I depended on and I can always go crawling back to without any shame in my game is my mom, but having to ask a man for help, damn, it is the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

His Slave

His slave I am,

I wear His brand

The numbers of His ownership appear on TSR...

I  can think for myself,

I can make my own decisions,

I have common sense

and I use it when I need to.

Just because I am owned

does not make me dumb,

I am a woman and very capable

to think and decide on my own.

When I chose to surrender

my body, my mind, and my all,

my Master didn't tell me

to leave my intelligence at the door.

Feisty I am

and sometimes I fight

I curse, I pout, and I even get mad,

that doesn't mean I will ever leave his side.

I am not a submissive

I am a slave

submissives have a safe word,

a slave have no say

trust me, I don't want it any other way

retouching tattoo "BDSM" 

**3/9/2011

Better Left Unsaid

You are Master
i am slave...

To whom should I go to and express my fears
when I become weak,
when everything is unclear.

Who will answer my questions and make everything alright
when my little mind wonders when my faith weakens and dies?

You are my Master...
The one that I should go to when I am scared and have doubts.
Be an open book, share with you my life, my wishes, my dreams, and hopes
and not be scared to tell you things I carry deep within my soul.

There shouldn't be no secrets between a Master and his slave,
yesterday I realized that there are things better left unsaid.

**3/8/2011

For the one you Love

When you realize his feelings are more important to you than your own; is the moment you know you are really in love.

When his well being becomes more important than your own; it is the moment you know, you are truly deeply in love.

When you feel his pain deep in your heart and you rather hurt and be the one to make the sacrifice so he can be happy; it is the moment you understand it is true love.

When you are willing to walk away from him so he can be happy with someone else; it is the moment that you know he is truly the one you love

The Faun and The Fairy

On top of a hill a satyr stands,

watching over his beautiful land.

An innocent fairy flying by,

It must have been her scent that caught his eyes,

or her enchanting beauty, mesmerizing and bright.

A voice from below, a melody to her ears,

makes her heart beat faster, makes her body shiver.
Her wings feeling heavy, hypnotized by the faun,

she flies down to meet him but suddenly she stops,

she looks away from the mountain watching the blue skies ahead,

the fairy had a feeling, in that moment in time

should she go? or stay?

She knew that fate was waiting at the mountain hill below,

she knew it in the moment when she heard him say "hello"

The satyr being a satyr wanted to deny himself this joy,

At first he tried to run, giving excuses and all,

"i am taken" he tells her,

she felt all hope was lost,

something in her heart was saying:

Don't give up, this is true love!

Many times the scared fairy wants to spread her wings,
for fear her treasure heart will be shattered by a Dream.

**written 5/12/2010