2 years ago today...

Is the day we met, I was a fae and he a Satyr...today has been a day of taking a walk through memory lane, to our first week...logged into SL and took some pics for ol'times sake

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO MY PAPI! I love you mi Corazon

I still don't give up my SL

I logged in today and paid the rent, checked on Bubba - the family dog, and unfortunately didn't bother saying hello to a few of my friends...I am keeping a low profile for now, questions begin to flutter and in all honesty there are some negative people out there.

My friend MissE didn't go on with the plans of opening the SIM, RL comes first at all times, I just hope things get better for her, praying for your GuRl

I am not a constant user, my addiction died out through the years, even though I love SL I also enjoy doing other things, and like every good thing - it gets old after a while; the same story lines in almost all the places, there is so much roleplay you can do, shopping, exploration...as far as the shopping goes it only applies in SL and not in RL, just want to make that clear :)
Anyways...I hang on to my SL with the hope that I will get to spend time with my papi, but like me I think he is feeling the same way, there is so much we can do and with the limited amount of time he was coming in, well...you get my drift.

We all go through our phases when we can't get enough of a certain thing and after a while it just gets played out, we set it aside until we get on that mood again, when we go through that phase.

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Positive

Feeling extremely positive, the situation still the same but it is very different when you pay mind to something and when you dismiss it and just say "fuck it"

There is much I still don't get and trying to figure out on my own...did lots of thinking yesterday sorting out my ideas and future plans; I am not going too far into the future because things do change rather quickly around here so it is better I take it a month at a time instead of thinking two or three months ahead.

A new week has began and with it a new way of thinking and doing things.  I am glad meditation can help me in more ways than one to relax and view situations in a different way, I am reaching a new level and I am enjoying it.  I never thought it could possible to feel the way I have been feeling when I am done a session of meditation, the tranquility and the peace is exhilarating.

Irene making her appearance

Irene has been making her way through the east coast since last night yet I hardly felt a thing, I slept like a rock! I woke up to the sound of the rain smacking hard against the window, I rushed over to check it out and to my amazement the trees where rocking back and forth with fury! I live on a third floor so it was a bit scary to see this.

I made a few phone calls to people I know wake up before the sun shines and they tell me this has been going on since before 6 am, I look at my clock and is close to 10:30 am...Did I sleep through all that? My friend tells me that some streets were close because of trees falling and some towns without electricity; glad we are not one of them...then the lights started flickering, minutes later the entire house went dark but it came back on after a few minutes :) happy moment.

Everyone made a huge fuzz about Irene and like every other hurricane we wait for it was just a little bust at least in our area which I am extremely grateful for and very lucky as well.  Last year Earl was suppose to hit use hard, supermarkets full, the lines going out the door, same as this year, and Earl went by just waving at us :-/ just saying...In the east coast we make huge deals about storms that by now I have learned to believe it until I see it, I still have candles left from 1999 when they said the lights were going to go off at midnight, to be prepare for 2000 that it was going to be chaos...I am sure there are many people still consuming their can food from that year as well.  It is scary to thing something like that is coming our way and we are not prepared for it...makes me wonder

I have some essentials in case of emergency, I am not only prepared for a catastrophe, I am prepared just in case at any given moment something happens.  I don't think we will know when something big is going to hit us, just like that tornado that hit Springfield MA, nobody was expecting that! here! in the east coast, a tornado?
MSNBC post on Springfield Tornado. 

We are just waiting now for the storm to pass, the wind is dieing out, the rain recently stopped, I think we are going to be alright :)

Who Should Give Us Advice?

Most often times we seek advice from the people we know and care about but you have to take in consideration their advice is impacted by the way they feel about you, how much they care about you, they simply don't really give you advice but tell you what to do just because they don't want you to hurt or be caught in a bad spot...

I am going through a very rough time in all the emotional aspects of my life but I keep them to myself, I know exactly what everyone around me will say so why even bother sharing, specially when I am going through a moment of insecurities and it will just pass eventually so why even bother alarming anyone else or give them something to talk about or judge...

Making decisions is hard enough and having different ideas, opinion from different people , their views can be sometimes helpful or confuse you even more, I am glad I found someone who somehow is more or less in the same position that I am and talking to her opened up a new level! My mind is open to even more ideas and possibilities, questions I have to answer for myself, search deep within my soul and my heart...I have a better idea on how I want to approach things :)

thank you Mindset

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Back on the Horse

Feeling like myself this days, pregnancy among other stressful situations can really affect a persons attitude and self-esteem...finally getting back on track on most things.

I want to thank those who are there for me to help me once again rise to the top, with their love, affection, and understanding.  Things are looking pretty good from where I am standing or sitting in this case, I sometimes let things get to me just a bit too much but once I get the hang of it everything just falls into place.

Sorting out my ideas and feelings to figure out where I am standing and where I'm going from here...Reality may suck at times and will smack you on the face with all her strength, but there is a reason for everything, at least that is my believe.  I don't give up easily, never have and never will.

The only thing I am afraid of is that I stop believing in love, in fate, and in destiny...

The Shoulder

Slide

The essence of your love takes over me, 

in the night,

in the dark,

my fingers slide,

sleek and smooth,

between the silky path

my fingers slide....

Manic Monday

on my way to work this morning

Only the Bangles can explain it better than I can!!

Is just another manic Monday

I wish it was Sunday 

'cause that's my fun day

my I don't have to run day 

is just another manic Monday!!

Without Him There Is No SL

I go days that I don't log into SL and is not that I don't like it but everything reminds me of HIM, everywhere I go is a reminder of the days spent with my Master - more like years actually...wow, that sounds like a long time!

2009 and 2010 we spent time together, tons of time, whenever He could log in to see me He was there, but 2011 came around and RL became really hectic and priorities were set (call it instinct but I think there is more to it than meets the eye)...I sometimes wish I could spend at least one day a week with him, interacting, talking, just having a moment with Him.  I don't want much, I don't need much...I just have a need to spend some time with Him.  I miss Him so very much, I miss our SL time, I miss us...

With Bubba! love my doggie

Work & Insomnia

I have to be up in about 5 hours and can't seem to find my comfort zone! I am dreading the fact that I have to work...been out for two weeks and I know it is going to be so hard to just get the hang of things all over again.

I was not suppose to be out for so long so I thought but after a miscarriage and then pneumonia I don't think two weeks is enough, I am still not mentally prepared for what is coming.

I need a change of life...a change in my life

Kissing a Fool

I have the urge to feel the hands of someone who loves me caress me, touch me, make me feel I am alive


"Strange that I was wrong enough
to think you'd love me too
I guess you were kissing a fool
You must have been kissing a fool"

I am a dreamer...a hopeless romantic who believes deeply in love, in fate, in destiny...

Friends :) & The Travel Bug

Peter, Georges, Igor

When I was stuck all alone in the Netherlands with nobody to talk to, text, or even email my friend Georges was there to listen, to bug me, make fun of me and the best part of it all they tried so very hard to make me happy and smile!!!

I met Georges in SL in 2008 and we have been friends ever since.  Although he lives in Belgium we have managed to meet up and enjoy each others company, trust me, we have fun when we all get together, the sarcastic sense of humor we share is ridiculously funny in our own sick way.

Peter although I met him recently we really acted as if we knew each other for ever, he was my tour guide and walked me all over Antwerpen telling me the history of just about each statue, street, and building we came in contact with...he bought me Gelato when we were done the tour :) so kewl!

I met Igor in 2008 when Georges came to visit the states, we sure had fun in the back seat of that car and the laughs are still endless each time we take a trip through memory lane...he sure is something else, fun and funny :) *raises her invisible glass of dark beer* here is to ya Igor!!!

I was invited to Belgium...I really liked the city but somehow it was so boring!! We had fun while we were walking around the city, taking pictures and talking crap but once we were back in the house it was like ~what do we do now?~
BTW...Did you know they did check points in the city? they just stop each and every car that goes by and do drug and alcohol test on them, come on...are you serious?! yeah, of course I agree with the no drinking and driving rule but shit, you know what we call that back in the states? cops with nothing to do! like in the small cities/towns when you call 911 and about 7 cruisers show up to your house...mhm, something like that.

I am considering taking that vacation, geez I really need to get away and organize my thoughts and ideas, no..really I do :)

Next year is going to be extremely busy for me, I intent to travel each and every time I get a chance, withing the US and outside the US, I love to travel! that darn travel bug bit me and I am just so infected...sooooo organizing myself and planning ahead, everything should go smoothly and according to plan :)

Amsterdam, NL

Ballerina

My cousin Karina Espaillat played Cinderella using this shoes :)
February 2011

Eating a Guayaba

My favorite kind of fruit...at least one of them. Cereza, Chinola, Manzana de Oro, Coco de Agua...are among the fruits I will feast on when I visit the Dominican Republic...

When I was a little girl I remember climbing trees to get the fruits at the very top, don't know why but the biggest and the sweetest ones were the most impossible ones to get, you either would need a stick to reach them once you've climbed to the highest point or bring some rocks and hope you had good aim *sighs remembering those wonderful days*

We had what they call Guayaba Injerta; bigger and sweeter than the rest, my grandpa always made sure his trees gave the best fruits in the neighborhood, he was sorta of a show off and we loved him for that *giggles*
I love the smell of fresh fruits...and the taste!


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Dr's Office

waiting

I don't like waiting at all! Sitting at the Doctors office felt like forever, 3 hours!! Are you kidding me?

I wanted to have a productive afternoon, yes, my health is priority but dang, waiting 3 hrs to hear what I already knew felt like a waste of time :(

Why can't we take a little survey before we are seen that way we just go straight to the point, oh and keep the personal questions to a minimum, I felt as if I was getting the third degree and some of the questions he already had the answer for if he only cared enough to check his files from previous visits...I don't get it, is it just me probably getting impatient...but I bet when you pay for expensive medical and you get shitty care it will piss you off just as much, I feel as they don't value our time, we just sit there looking at each other and most complaining, I keep quiet because whether you complain or not is not going to change the situation, he is going to take his sweet ass time and you just gonna have to wait your turn, don't like it? Change Doctors!!! Is as simple as that...even though is hard it is something I am considering, I can always go back if I don't like the change...

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Random Thoughts

I feel much safer now, my pics, my blog are protected and I feel there is no way someone distasteful will come along and try to use me once again to hurt others.

It is really a frustration not knowing why would someone use up their precious time to get to other people, it has been almost 2 weeks since I heard from those vindictive assholes...all I can say I am glad it is over.

For a long time their negativity was inflicting much damage to our relationship...more in the matter of making me feel guilty for loving him, for having this intense feelings which consumes me from the inside out...but lately having so much time in my hands and thinking clearly when people see a good thing going and they can't have it jealousy will strike!! I am not letting go, in two more weeks is going to be two years since I have been with my Master, yes, we are in a long distance relationship but there are ways of going around that...I have been able to manage.  Our relationship is young and still evolving, I don't want to rush a good thing and better days will come.

I have plans to travel and be able to spend time with him, trying to get myself together here and plan things the right way, although not everything goes according to plan most of the time and I learned that the hard way most often times when you set out to do something chances are if you plan ahead you will make it happen, I speak for myself at least...when I set out to do something best believe I am going to see it through one way or the other...it might take me time but when I have a goal in mind it is all I can see :)

Never take your eyes of your goal :) or your path

Crayola

The smell of an open Crayola box...ummmm how wonderful!

This box was bought only because of the retired crayola crayons! and of course the wonderful scent *takes a sniff*

Makes me wonder what other colors did they retired to the Crayola Crayon Hall of Fame?  must find out

At Home

I don't get easily bored but staying in 24/7 is really getting the best out of me...is not like I don't have places to go but once I am there I can't even concentrate!! What is wrong with me?

I can come up with a few ideas; my heart and head are somewhere else.  Where you might wonder? with my Master...where else? I know we both have much to do and accomplish before we can be together, is not like I can pick up and just go...much has to be done, at least I know from my behalf that is the case.

I finally broke down and asked him for help, boy oh boy was I afraid of his answer...when you have been independent for so long and never needed the assistance or help from anyone else is rather hard to just come out and ask I do have some pride you know ;P
All I can say is that times are hard and I got hit with a curve ball...I was always prepared for rainy days but for some reason this time around I was caught by surprise or better yet I was not as prepared as I thought I was.

One good thing is that I saw him briefly last night and we spoke *grins wide* that man does not know the impact he has on me, VaVaBoom!!! knowing I was going to see him had me over the edge, pacing back and forth, the butterflies in my tummy going wild, my knees giving up on me, once he was there by my side...what can I say? I am in love!! I get all giggly, I don't know how to act, react, my speech becomes all weird, I can't shut up, I keep talking and talking, sweaty palms...oh and I can't stop fidgeting and all of this by just seen him, can you imagine what happens to me when he touches me? I don't think so, but you can at least get an idea.

How much do I love him...Let me count the ways :)

A New Week

Everyday is a new beginning, a chance to get it right; nevermind what happened yesterday for it is already in the past...easier said than done, don't you think?

Been feeling completely out of my element and the only wish I have is to be my happy self...I need to organize myself and I know I am going to need the help of my Master...I am afraid to ask wondering what his answer will be :/ but I have to start somewhere.

I don't like to depend on others, the only person I can truly say I depended on and I can always go crawling back to without any shame in my game is my mom, but having to ask a man for help, damn, it is the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

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His Slave

His slave I am,

I wear His brand

The numbers of His ownership appear on TSR...

I  can think for myself,

I can make my own decisions,

I have common sense

and I use it when I need to.

Just because I am owned

does not make me dumb,

I am a woman and very capable

to think and decide on my own.

When I chose to surrender

my body, my mind, and my all,

my Master didn't tell me

to leave my intelligence at the door.

Feisty I am

and sometimes I fight

I curse, I pout, and I even get mad,

that doesn't mean I will ever leave his side.

I am not a submissive

I am a slave

submissives have a safe word,

a slave have no say

trust me, I don't want it any other way

retouching tattoo "BDSM" 

**3/9/2011

Better Left Unsaid

You are Master
i am slave...

To whom should I go to and express my fears
when I become weak,
when everything is unclear.

Who will answer my questions and make everything alright
when my little mind wonders when my faith weakens and dies?

You are my Master...
The one that I should go to when I am scared and have doubts.
Be an open book, share with you my life, my wishes, my dreams, and hopes
and not be scared to tell you things I carry deep within my soul.

There shouldn't be no secrets between a Master and his slave,
yesterday I realized that there are things better left unsaid.

**3/8/2011

For the one you Love

When you realize his feelings are more important to you than your own; is the moment you know you are really in love.

When his well being becomes more important than your own; it is the moment you know, you are truly deeply in love.

When you feel his pain deep in your heart and you rather hurt and be the one to make the sacrifice so he can be happy; it is the moment you understand it is true love.

When you are willing to walk away from him so he can be happy with someone else; it is the moment that you know he is truly the one you love

The Faun and The Fairy

On top of a hill a satyr stands,

watching over his beautiful land.

An innocent fairy flying by,

It must have been her scent that caught his eyes,

or her enchanting beauty, mesmerizing and bright.

A voice from below, a melody to her ears,

makes her heart beat faster, makes her body shiver.
Her wings feeling heavy, hypnotized by the faun,

she flies down to meet him but suddenly she stops,

she looks away from the mountain watching the blue skies ahead,

the fairy had a feeling, in that moment in time

should she go? or stay?

She knew that fate was waiting at the mountain hill below,

she knew it in the moment when she heard him say "hello"

The satyr being a satyr wanted to deny himself this joy,

At first he tried to run, giving excuses and all,

"i am taken" he tells her,

she felt all hope was lost,

something in her heart was saying:

Don't give up, this is true love!

Many times the scared fairy wants to spread her wings,
for fear her treasure heart will be shattered by a Dream.

**written 5/12/2010

Expiration Date

Many nights awake,

dreams turn to nightmares

the day that you are gone

the pain will be too much to bare

Day by day, moment by moment

is the way I live this love,

I have no choice, I feel I don't have a voice

If I say the wrong thing, poof you might be gone

I bite my tongue 

and hide my fears

remembering my place

knowing that you are not near

Mixed feelings and emotions

an expiration day to my devotion,

not long ago he only owned my heart and mind

now my body has become his temple

I obey and do as I am told without no questions

Each day I pray for strength

and keep my heart safe

I rest my happiness

in Hope, Destiny, and Fate

at His feet

**written 3/15/2010

My Old Blog

I had a blog and it had to be canceled, some of the information in it was a bit damaging to someone I love or at least to his marriage, devious people got a hold of it and tried using it to cause anguish and pain...I had poems, pictures, little confessions, the way I felt about certain things but it had to be erased to protect other people other than myself.
I was regretting having written certain things and even the pictures I added that were used to blackmail me and him, thinking back and sorting out my feelings - I should not have any regrets nor feel guilty, shit happens and sometimes when it hits the fan we must own up to our mistakes, yet it is easier to erase and deny things than to confront them.

here is looking at ya kid

My loss & My Discovery

Past week and a half my life has taken a huge turn; I lost my baby, but in the process I realized I lost more than what I thought.

A day after my loss I became extremely sick and at first they couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. Four days with a fever that would not go down, shivering, a headache that would not go away and the puzzle of what the heck was going on with me. After many tests and feeling like a pin cushion I was diagnosed with pneumonia and I can't believe it cause I didn't cough or felt that I couldn't breath, in other words I didn't have symptoms that would lead to that, the doctor was saying the miscarriage made me sick, that the depression I was going through was making me extremely ill...

It was very hard laying on that hospital bed through the night and unable to sleep, thinking, pondering of recent and past events, analyzing where I am, where I want to be and where I am going...and I came to a conclusion, I first need to find myself...through lots of ordeals and after so many things that transpired made me realize many things and put many others in perspective, more questions than answers but at least I have a goal, I can see things I didn't see before, naked to the eye but blind to the heart, now I know.



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Going Out and Meeting People

What a long month it was; at least for me...some days went fast but others just drag :(

I realized this weekend that I don't have a social life and spend most of time living in a fantasy world, wishing, hoping and dreaming...seriously!!

I enjoy going out and doing things but at the same time I love the comfort of my home. 

I am always doing home improvement, decorating, rearranging furniture, changing rooms around making it comfortable and different each time I get a chance - mostly on weekends *grins*

Even though I don't go out often enough or as much as I would like to there will be days that I just want to pick up and go.  I google a few different places depending on my mood, pack up food, drinks, plenty of music, fill up the gas tank, call my friend and take off.  Sometimes we come back the same day but if we want to stay the night we do so, the great thing of it all is when we go out we never have a time to leave or come back :) that is the way I like doing things unless there are other plans or responsibilities we need to handle.

My BF is always more than willing to go out and do something, unlike me I need to be in the mood to do things...my social life is limited to a few people and even though I am not shy it is rather hard for me to get comfortable and make new friends/acquaintances but I am trying to change that.

I joined a site called meetup.com, you can join different groups according to your interest, some of them have a fee while most of them are free.  I already have plans for September 24th for an outdoor Jazz Festival!! yeeaaee, looking forward to it *grins wide*

I have so much to do and so much to accomplish, plans, dreams and wishes...little by little everything will fall into place, I want to be able to show my Master a great time when he ever decides to come visit and introduce him to great and like minded people with the same interests that we have.