Thursday, July 28, 2011

Pregnancy


I really never had what they call a healthy pregnancy, I have a low cervix, low progesterone levels, high blood pressure and clumsy as all hell.

October of last year I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks, it was very hard going through it and wondering what I did wrong even joined a support group to get through my thick head that it was all medical and nothing that I did.  I started on progesterone suppositories, eating better and taking care of myself in case it happened again, little needs to be said that April 9th the first day of my ovulation I got pregnant again.

I didn't want to put my hopes up and kept it quiet taking it day by day.  It has been the longest 18 weeks of my life to be honest.  When I missed my period at the end of April I didn't pay any mind, I was only intimate for 2 days that entire month so it was crazy to even think that I was...as the days went by noticed that nothing was happening I went and bought and EPT (early pregnancy test) went to the bathroom at work and there it was - Positive.  I wanted to tell him so bad but didn't want this news changing things between us,besides there were so many things happening that I thought it was not the right time.  Weeks went by and finally he was aware of it unfortunately I was not the one that told him and they way he found out was very unpleasant :( but at least he knows and that is all that matters now.

In just two days I will be 18 weeks and very proud to say my little girl is holding on tight and she is doing awesome regardless of the car accident I had, my high blood pressure, and a recent fall; not to mention all the crap I've had to deal with aside from all that so it has been very stressful :(

Every time I have some sort of pain I can't help but feel scared, my heart sinks all the way to my ass and I feel as if the world is collapsing on top of me.
My Master and I live far away from each other and having a little piece of our love growing inside me makes the entire ordeal so worth it, she is precious and very loved and I am trying my best to have a healthy pregnancy.  Looking forward to the future and meeting her in about 22 weeks *yeeeaaeee*




Gladiolus

Gladiolus - Strength of character, Love at first sight, Generosity
Always loved this flowers, they are native to South Africa, Asia and Europe :)




Saturday, July 9, 2011

Almost that time




I suppose happiness is really never complete, we have our moments, days, but you honestly can't say you were happy for an entire year, just the burdens of our everyday life is enough to send us over the roof once in a while.

I try keep myself positive, after all I am an ENFP, we think we can change the world, we bring out the best in everyone, or at least try.  I am happy all the time, even on my down days a smile is a must, finding a way to lift my spirit...those days are usually when I am on PMS mode, I really do not look forward to that time of the month.

I am sure there are lots of women who probably feel the same way about PMS as I do, retaining water, cravings, emotional, headaches and my least favorite-mood swings.  I am just glad when I go through my withdrawals the ones that are close to me seem to know and recognize when something is wrong.
Most just let me be during those days, I become extremely quiet which is very unlike me, but I rather be quiet than say things that at the moment are not so nice; things that bother me that I don't discuss for one reason or the other just seem to boil on those days, they get the best out of me most times and usually I can control most negative feelings and emotions, so when I find myself in a situation when they are controlling me that is when I become very frustrated...this days have been the hardest for me for one reason or another.

I can't wait for these days to be over and be myself again, feeling completely out of my element.  My thoughts, which are the ones who keep me company all day are my worse enemy at the moment.



What a wreck!

Fixing up

I live in a very small apartment and was thinking of moving, while I was searching for apartments I noticed how hard it was to find one to my taste and most of all "budget", in the end I decided to remain where I am at, do not have the hassle of packing, unpacking, moving, having to put everything back together again, you know...all the tedious stuff that involves moving.

Don't get me wrong...I love the smell of a new place, I enjoy change and would absolutely love to move, but it is harder than I thought :( I will hold on until the time is right and a definite decision is made on my status with my Master and see what develops, I do have a plan B *grins* but that is a secret *hUsHsH*

In order for me to feel better I started to redecorate the place, some of the stuff I was going to throw away I fixed them up and recycled them *smiles* I am going room by room painting and making changes.  I went with bright and happy colors, I seriously need some happiness in my life at this moment.  Although the bathroom came out a bit darker than I thought I figured by putting extra lighting it might do the trick, yet I keep throwing in darker colors to give it some spark..hehehe..

I love to fix things, and often times find several uses for one piece...for instance, we had a desk and I was going to get rid of it, just so happen I needed a place to keep my bathroom gadget: blow-drier, flat irons, brushes, and other thingy wingys we use on a everyday basis.
I took the top off the desk and made two tables and created a top for it, as you can see in the picture below not a great job at the painting so I will blame the ex-husband for it *grins* .... really! he was the one who painted that thing..

Table 1 of 2
The second one I painted before I took the picture but it looked just like the one above...I matched it with the color of the wall and added an orange and brown to make it pop out :)

In the painting process
The green is called asparagus, when I take pictures of it in the bathroom it looks brighter...hummm?

job accomplished
:)

Excited

I am so looking forward to waking up *grins wide* it even hurts just to log off :(

Did a ton of research on certain area to help out Miss E, took some pics, crashed a few times, posted a pic in Koinup, updated my twitter...done much huh?  unfortunately is time to rest and wake up refreshed and ready to get down, multi-task between RL and SL this next few days! too bad I no longer have my laptop *cries* dang thieves!! anyways, wont do me any good to cry over spilled milk, whats done is done!

8 months
Kryytall Galaxy

time to rest!!

Friday, July 8, 2011

Participating

My friend Miss E is building a new SIM; unfortunately I can't write about it just yet since the idea is new and fresh and  you never know if there are spies *looks around suspiciously*

She asked me the following question:

Misselisabeth McCallen: if you had a sim..and you wanted to make an rp sim....what would you make?
Misselisabeth McCallen: :))))

Of course I felt really honored she would ask for my opinion, then my help, and I thought this will give me the opportunity to come back :) be a part of something from the beginning and that is really making me feel great!

We came up with so many ideas and different things to keep the RP going, the plot, how it came to be and where to go from.  My  head is full of ideas, already doing research and homework

Looking forward to this awesome week coming up, the baby is due and is a reason to come home and log in each day, working with Miss E a huge plus...yeeaaeee! oh and will be finishing up the apartment ;P is like humpty dumpty right now and all I have to do is put it back together again...yet there is some hand free artwork to be done in the bathroom, and the hallway to be painted and after that each room will have to wait until I return from my so waited vacation to be with my family, tons of amazing things happening! nice!


Now this kitty needs to get some work done!

It's Friday already?

I can't believe an entire week already has gone by! I am pondering on what I've accomplished so far, I think and I believe I could have done so much more :( but for two days I just went home after work - sat my cute little ass on my favorite corner of the couch and it was TV time!


I had tons of energy all the way up to Monday evening when I arrived home to find out my apartment was broken into and some of my valuables taken :( I am just glad for insurance, a few of the stuff will be replaced soon enough. 

Tuesday - I am hyperventilating, there is someone online making my life a living hell trying to encourage me to leave my Master because of a certain situation I rather not mention at the moment...Sorry buster! love does not have an on/off or stand by switch for that matter, I love my Master and that is all I need to know, I am a slave, his slave for that matter and I do as I am told, I follow his instructions and I will leave him when he tells me to.  Little does anyone know is that I know where I stand; every relationship can go either way, is a chance we take not only when we fall in love but everyday when we get up and we have to make a choice or a decision. 
Yes, it will hurt like hell if things don't work out but like everything else in life - everything will have a beginning and everything will have an end, either way I am living for the moment! making it great each step of the way.

Wednesday and Thursday - between watching TV, surfing the web, since I am obsessed with colors at the moment researching online for paint, decorating ideas, matching colors was also a great way to visualize it, Feng Shui, HGTV on Demand helps me see how I want to go about in a room, oh I also played hooky at work *grins* called my boss and told her I was going to be in later, yeah raaaiiight, I never made it in *sighs* it just feels so good to be at home! the nice smell of fresh paint...yeah was getting me really high but that's not neither here nor there, just feels great to see clean walls all done up, the bright colors making everything seem so new ummmm I so love it!

Hallway - still working on it
 I have been invited to go to a club this evening and you would think since the tickets are free, drinks will be free as well, that I would be jumping of joy, excited, and looking forward for the moment to come, but nope, once again I dread even thinking of leaving the comfort of my home...call me crazy but I also don't like to be up in the mix like that, there are certain things that I would like to di and some places I would like to visit but I will have to wait until my Master is around, FetLife events sound like hot shit!! and that is something I am willing to explore when the time is right for Master and I...until then I will stay with my SL, camping, trips to Borders, movies, spending time with the kids, going to the harbor, taking road trips, white mountains, the beach, arcades *grins wide* yeah!!! I love arcades!!!!!!! I feel like a big kid, hehe!!

With the weekend coming up I am wondering what it will bring...will try my best to make the best of it, yet I notice that my best is boring to some of my friends *frowns* beatches!! hehehe, I love you girls!!!!!!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Lazy Times

I go through a spur of a moment when I don't feel like writing or better yet nothing really comes to mind.  For some reason I have a great subject and come up with awesome and smart things to say ;P but when I sit down to write my mind goes blank! I get so frustrated when that happens...You know that my best writing (thoughts of writing) comes to me when I hit the sheets, yet I can't seem to remember any of it the next day when I am ready to put them down in paper, frustrating!!!!
I just don't like to begin something and just set it aside, but I guess that is the way I am wired.  I often finish all of the tasks I set out to do, but some will take time for when I get bored I just put it aside until I feel like going back to it...bad huh?

Just like my blog my SL time has dropped, is not like I don't want to be there but lately I am just getting bored so easily.  I usually keep to myself or the same circle of friends I've had for many years since joining, I don't trust many for you never know who is who and worse of it all their intentions.  It is hard enough that you have to deal with deception in RL then go into a virtual world to get fucked it is even worse.  I was login in everyday up until Friday because my BFF Pietra left on vacation :( and wont be around until August 5th!!!! eeeeeeeekkkkk!! what am I suppose to do without her for so long? she is my shoulder, my SL support system, seems like she is the only one who gives me strength when I am feeling rocky about certain things, understands my relationship with my Master, always positive about it, and when there have been times I just want to quit she is there to remind me of the great love He and I share, to hold on and stay strong for HIM *sighs* what will I do without her? darn husband of hers had to take her away...hum!

Following Punkys' pregnancy - she is looking awesome! too bad I am not giving her the attention she deserves :( but then again things are just a bit hectic and can't concentrate on having fun.  I was about to get me a kitty kat from Zooby (realistic little shits!) but once again, where will I get the time to just take care of it, I am saving all of my energy and SL time for when the baby comes (Zooby baby).  Since my Master wont be there for the birth of our kid and Pietra will be on vacation I asked Skye to be with me when the baby arrives...why am I feeling nervous here? Just a few more days and I can get to play with her! she is in my inventory already but I can't rez her until the day she is born...I don't like to wait, I was never good at it, but since meeting my Master I think I have become quite a champion at it! hehe

waiting

RL - just decorating my home, painting and making it look different, just want to feel as if I moved or something, I was thinking of moving but it is even more dreadful doing so (I hate moving) so instead of packing boxes, looking for an apartment and all the tedious things that concerns moving I rather move furniture around, and redecorate the place.  Using Feng Shui colors too to set the mood around each room *grins* been researching colors online and coming up with great ideas, my apartment is small...very small...but very comfortable (tall people wont agree - but that has yet to be seen)
Today I am taking the day off from work and try to accomplish the bathroom since the kitchen is done :) I have been trying to get in there for 3 days and so far nothing has happens...I lost mojo again :'(
I will look for some motivation and just charge at it!

Kitchen colors!!

I think that just about covers it all! hehe